after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
