meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
