you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
