why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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