So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
