The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
