Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He shit in the fireplace
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