peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
