new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
