Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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