Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
