Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
