I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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