"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
