glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize