did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
