There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
