I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize