just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize