Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
