just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
