I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
