things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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