this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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