She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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