Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize