Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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