Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
