It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
