Your face is a jimmy john
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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