she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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