i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
