I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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