I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
