my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
