Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
