i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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