How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
