Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
