im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
