We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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