I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
