I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
