Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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