she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
