youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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