the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize