i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you would pick up someone in the library
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
