five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
