You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
