the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i barfeds in our rink
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
