so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
