New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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