I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
only if we run a train.
done.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize