Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize