I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
