I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What a dumb baby whore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
