He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
