3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
