Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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