You're so nebulous sometimes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize