If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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