I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
