ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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