I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
