White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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