I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have demons in me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
