remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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