I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
