When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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