My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
