This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Someone came in the potted fern
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
