You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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