I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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