is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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