why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
