I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize